[to the tune of Lyin’ Eyes]

Jane Harris/Greg Champion

1.
Victorian kiddies seem to find out early
that certain clubs, you’ll never like their style
And yet somehow, those clubs still have supporters
Just as a mother loves an ugly child

2.
So the club rolls on through sweet success and failure
They become the team that others love to hate
Until one day, the national competition
Sees ’em playing a Finals team from interstate

3.
So the Vics then face a tough look in the mirror
And they take a look that’s long and hard and good
They’re confronted with a clear no-win decision
Do they back the Crows or jump on Collingwood?

CHORUS:
Can you cheer the mighty Pies?
The team you’ve grown up to despise
You search inside and realise
There’s no way you can barrack for the Pies

4.
So you tell yourself, you want them both to lose it
And as the game gets tight, your apathy just grows
But when the scores are tied, with minutes just remaining
You find yourself sayin’ “go the mighty Crows”

Can you cheer the mighty Pies?
The team you’ve grown up to despise
You search inside and realise
There’s no way you can barrack for the Pies