(Tune: Tangled Up In Blue – Bob Dylan)
jane harris-champion

a break in the cricket at The Oval
the Pakis having a snack
we’re staying in the changeroom says
Inzamam Ul Al Haq
He says you have called us cheats
That’s something we cannot take
We’re gonna take a long break
Hey, pass me another cake
But woops, they forfeited the game
Declares the referee
Now there’s a big kerfuffle between
them and the ICC
‘cos they were called
for tamperin’ with the ball
then Imran Khan he wades right in
he says it’s a disgrace
he predicts that Darrell Hair
will emerge with egg on face
PM Johnny predictably
Says rules must be obeyed
We haven’t heard Dean Jones’s view
I wonder what he’d say
All we’ve got is the measured statements
Of one Malcolm Speed
Sayin’ it’s a very serious
Grave affair indeed, it concerns us all
tamperin’ with the ball
then Pandora’s floodgates open
they haven’t closed ‘em since
what about those sweets they suck
what do they do with them mints?
It’s gonna go to the United Nations
Right through to Kofi Annan
He’s gonna send peace-keeping forces
To England and Pakistan
Effigies of Darrel Hair
Burn on the Subcontinent
All the hallmarks of an
International incident
Diplomats recalled
tamperin’ with the ball
next thing ya know our Aussie Darrell
has asked for a payout fee
his agent wants fifty million bucks
in hard US currency
the Stackpoles and Jeff Thompsons then
express their views on this
still haven’t heard from Dean Jones
wonder where he is
meanwhile Aussie Darrel in
Bermuda has been seen
His agent has been talking to
High profile magazines
he’s gonna tell all
tamperin’ with the ball